‘Come close to God, and He will come close to you. Clean up your lives, you sinners, and clear your minds, you doubters.‘ -James 4:8
I’m going to throw caution to the wind and attempt to bare my soul a bit here. It’s VERY difficult to do (be vulnerable, that is) so please bear with me and try not to judge (cuz let’s be honest here… most things we recognize & judge others for… we are guilty of, ourselves, in one form or another).
I love God and have a desire to please Him… but my creeping desire to please myself seems to get the better of me (more often than I’d like to admit). This especially comes into play during my quest to squash the loneliness when it begins to ensnare my wandering heart. My amnesia kicks in… causing me to forget where my true joy and satisfaction comes from (God)… and I start believing the lies that lead me into temptation… like it’s ok to yield to a few glasses of 80 proof inhibition killer that causes me to throw my relationship with God into reverse, as I go on the prowl for my Eve of destruction. Even more disheartening is the idea that I would fall into or seek out relationships that I know God has not ordained either because the motives/intentions by one or both of us are self-gratifying… and/or our union does not produce the healthy fruit that glorifies God by making HIS will the focus of our short journey here on earth. Or maybe my spiritual wellbeing is in the red and I still have some more self-healing to undergo before I can be the ‘right person’ for my ‘right person’. Yeah. I’m pretty sure all these things are true.
Fortunately, my self-inflicting (80 proof) torturous plans rarely come close to fruition anymore these days because I’ve allowed God to carve enough of a home inside of me where His Spirit resides and rests at a low ready position to lay a holy smackdown on my bad fruit picking/producing fleshly self. God, I love you for that (and so much more). And in regards to the relationship side of things… I’ve learned some valuable lessons and gotten to know myself more through the mirror of getting to know others (the most recent of which is one of the most beautiful souls I know).
The only reason I stand a fighting chance against my own self-defeating thoughts and behaviors is because I made the choice a long time ago to believe God when He told me He loved me (He still does everyday)… and when is Son, Jesus, told me He loved me when He went to the cross in MY place. There IS NO GREATER LOVE than what He showed/did for us on that day. The least I could do is love Him back by treating those He loves with love and respect… starting with myself. He didn’t save me just so I could spend my waking hours searching out ways to satisfy my own insatiable desires. He saved me so I can turn myself and others towards HIM and His COMPLETELY satisfying love and acceptance only HE can offer. You can search high and low… far and wide… lift every rock and idol… but it will ALWAYS end up leading you to the same place: EMPTY.
‘LORD, You are my portion and my cup of blessing; You hold my future.‘ -Psalm 16:5
Be blessed 🙂